6 Things I Hope My Step-Kids Always Remember

  It is far from easy being a mother. I find it even harder to be a step-mother. You aren't just automatically loved by your step-children just because you married their father. That's a love you have to work for, it's a special kind of love. It's not one that comes easy, and that is what makes it so unique. You aren't bred to love each other. It's hard when you start out as a new step-mom, and even as an established one. What are your boundaries? What is allowed? What isn't? Am I trying too hard, am I not trying hard enough? You are always doubting yourself, and over analyzing every move you make. It's nerve wracking because you want these children to love you because you love their father and they are a part of your life now. But sometimes that love comes with a price, and without open communication that love may never come at all. These are some things I hope my step kids always know:

1. I was/am a step-kid too. I know it can be difficult to accept someone new into your life. I know it's different, and uncomfortable at times to see your dad with someone other than your mom. But talk to me, I will always know what that feels like. If you want time alone with your dad, just tell me. I'll take a ride. I want you always to be comfortable and I will never get in the way of your relationship with your father.
2. I will never talk bad about your mother (or at least not in front of you). Whether I like you mom, or she likes me has no bearing on the fact that she is YOUR mother. I will always respect her for that and I will never talk bad about her (in front of you). If at times your mom annoys you or you are upset with her, I will always be here for you to vent to but I will never join in your mom bashing. She will always be your mom and at one point you two will resolve the issue. 
3. I will never try and take your mother's place. Your mom is your mom, I am just a bonus mom. I love you just the same as if I carried you, however I did not. Her rules are her rules and we need to follow them, even if I don't always agree it is not my place. I will never make you call me mom, unless you want to, and I will never over step my boundary. 
4. I will love you like my own. Even though I am not your birth mom I will love you no different than I love my own children. I will care for you when you are ill, I will put a band aid on your scraped knee and give you a kiss, I will cuddle with you, read to you, sing to you, tuck you in at night, buy you treats, and more. I will never exclude you from something because you are not my birth child. I will never refer to you as "just my step-kid", you are still my kid even though I am not your mom I hope someday you understand what that means. 
5. Everyone will always be treated fairly.  I cannot make this any clearer to you. I will never take my daughter's side involving anything just because I gave birth to them. Right will always be right, and wrong will always be wrong no matter who committed the crime. I will never show my daughter's any more or less attention, affection, praise, or punishment than you two. All 5 of you will have as equal amounts of everything as humanly possible.
6. There may be times. There may be times you hear your mom or other people talking bad about me or your dad. If you don't understand or it confuses you please talk to me or your mom about it. There may be times I have upset you in some way and I didn't even realize, please talk to me about it. There may be times you want your dad to yourself without the other kids and me around, please talk to me about it. There may be times when you are angry at me and you don't even know why, please talk to me about it.

Kids, I will always be here for you. Sometimes you may love it and sometimes you may hate it. But as long as you talk about it, we will always be able to try and resolve it. Don't forget many of the ways you will feel, and are feeling I have already been through on your end. The bonus about me being your step-mom is that I am not your mom first, I am your friend first. Don't ever forget how much I love you, or doubt for one second that I wouldn't cross the Atlantic in paddle boat with one oar if that's what it took to make you happy. I love you kiddos. If you liked this blog please CLICK HERE to vote for me as a Top Mommy Blogger. Your daily votes count!
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